Gender Studies

Going Together

Going Together is a vivid collection reflecting our daily lives. To reach the author, send emails to: loulin@live.hk

Articles

GEnder studies

Focusing on the world around marginalized group, Gender Studies is a collection recoding our society at large around people overlooked. Write to Tome Loulin at: letter@loulin.org

Another Moon

by Tome Loulin Above me spreads the hot, blue mid-day sky,Far down the hillside lies the sleeping lakeLazily reflecting back the sun,And scarcely ruffled by the little breezeWhich wanders idly through the nodding ferns.The blue crest of the distant mountain, topsThe green crest of the hill on which I sit;And it is summer, glorious, deep-toned … Continue reading “Another Moon”

Comments about Some Undercurrents in This New World

阅读中文版 When cleansing our company’s floor, I asked Katie, a female coworker in her twenty-something, about whether she would take university entrance exam again if possible. ‘No’ She answered, fretted. We work in a second language teaching company where she worked as a sale consultant; I a lecture; both of us were insecurely hired because … Continue reading “Comments about Some Undercurrents in This New World”

Thoughts

  • On Self-emancipation
    There is something deeper inside of us that is calling, urging us to escape something else; yet, hardly could we find out where and what it is. Something, it’s always the notion of something that is most hard to be named precisely or defined properly, so is our notion of self-liberation, which is hardly an … Continue reading “On Self-emancipation”
  • 回顾
    心渡 大海在天上,云是海浪 不知名的人在桥栏边 温润的水岸边 晚夜微暖的风 远望着,纯然的青峰 川行的人流间 有位渡翁 行舟在这片人海间 无名的树木,还有多少岁月青葱 暗淡的倒影,自行车行过匆匆 也许,那无名的树林间 也涌过这夏日的水潮 从此后 心中的浪,还有多少年岁涨伏 -楼林 The Years 曾经在熙攘的街头穿行,戴耳机,疾风驶过的人流中,偶尔迎风流泪,因为戴墨镜,所以不太在意。与他一同在东湖骑行,中途休息,我坐在椅子上望着落日发呆,身后是往来的骑者,他特地带了移动音箱,仿古式的,样式别致,播放的是一首法文的歌,我强学发音,许多都念错了,他沉默着,用手机拍下了那湖面上的落日。我问是否可以连他的音箱,他点头,表同意。那时已是晚夏,湖边的微风拂过,归去时我走在后面些,旁边有自动售水机,走进才发现灯光下都是昆虫,好在水不受影响。我回访武汉只记得东湖适合散步谈话,因为风景好,那晚却不复往昔的寂静,不知是否因宣传的多了,还是没有其他合适的自然公园。 他曾住一厅式的公寓,布局温馨。在家的时候,我的祖母看到我睡最小的房间,便同我说,等我去学校后就搬到小房间睡,因为温馨。他的书桌上堆放着资料,上面是贺卡与明信片,多是学生写的感谢信。现在写信寄信的人少了,心里总是空落落的,觉得是信息时代的憾事。正好在这里满足了这感受,沉默的房间里,时间仿佛也慢了些。 美国疫情刚受关注时,NBC电视台放慰问卡片销售攀升的消息,许多人为逝者的亲人寄慰问卡片,是比电子化信息更能表达关怀之意的仪式。看到电视上播放的卡片,想起了在我的母亲曾短暂经营的文具店里,我曾总是翻看明信片,偶尔看到信上预先印好的小句子,大多数携语,心里总感到亲切。 行旅归后,很少有机会重访东湖,也许是怕独行,熙攘的人流间,独自行走有突兀感,三三两两的人影下,怕那种特别感受。我总是这样,独自的时候,就想与人同行的感受。偶尔夜深的时候,淋浴水流过,心中涌过温热的水潮,不喜欢开灯,觉得LED灯光不自然,所以宁愿漆黑些,玻璃门的亮光点缀着,像暗潮。 家中 那时,也许是还在成长着,对夏日有亲切感,当然其灼热的午后除外,第一次去北京的时候,是几年前了,近秋,但还是炎热异常,是干热,所以穿长袖长裤也适当,汗水较易干?曾经,在家乡的夏日,自己用一个午后拍照——用三脚架拍摄。现在摄影师不容易找,所以自己拍。 搬回家的时候,做好了去沙哈拉的准备,小的城市与年轻人不大相符,但因为房租的缘故,所以回家乡还是较理性的选择。我用手机控制镜头,沉默中,只有窗外知了的声音陪伴我最久,像生命的鸣奏曲。
  • Myself These Years in Retrospect, A Notetaking
    It seemed like a remindful aphorism to me that though years could have passed unnoticed, some memories were still as vivid as ever when being reminisced about thanks to the photographs taken before. Photography itself is like a partially immortalized and visualized bit of time, which as a collective concept is itself hardly an accurate … Continue reading “Myself These Years in Retrospect, A Notetaking”
  • Remembering the unrememberable
    By Tome Loulin Seeing the sun set is like watching the most difficult and touching part of a movie, yet, having no control, just watching.
  • 秋日的夜
    by Tome Loulin 从理发店出来后,望着月光下的校园,深秋的晚夜,路上零星有些行人,湖边是寒雾,飘到夜路间。理发店的洗发师领着我进去,他微笑着,许久没有见陌生人对自己微笑过,好像偶尔抬头看到完满的月亮。洗头的时候,温水冲淋着我的头发,他的手好像也感到了些凉意,“哎。“他似乎自责道,又把水温调高了些。其实冷水我也可以洗,只是很久没感受过这样的温度,心中全是棱角分明的方块在碰撞着。“因为压力大了些,所以头……”我没往下说。“不会的。”他立刻回道。沉默中,自己好似冲刷在这暖潮里,正好流过水池的水也是温热的。 “不要把学习看的太紧了,压力太大了对身体不好。”他轻声说着。 “嗯,的确是这样的。”我回复道。 “以前在学校的时候,有感触,学习之余要多放松。你们现在有电脑,不一定玩游戏,偶尔看视频放松一下对身体也好。”他又说道。 温热的水流在发间流过,人闭上眼睛后就像在另一个世界,眼皮覆盖的视野,一切都是暗红色,黑色,他说话是协商似的口吻。也不是很特别的嘱咐,在那狭小的世界里,心中却好似有股暗潮涌过,自己很久不流眼泪了,但还是很知道这特别的滋味。 头发短些了,感受到的夜寒也深了些。薄雾的夜路间,一边是高大的树木,一边是栅栏外的车流,大部分时候都是我自己一人行走着。路灯下是模糊的影。从一条小路间走到回宿舍的大路边,寂静的树林间,暗绿色的草叶,有些像聊斋里的背景,自己好像不在现代,在古代。一人独自夜行,背一些行囊,无任何盘缠,黑暗中,也可能碰见别的什么来。古代的荒野间是所谓的江湖,好在自己只是匆匆过客,一切也不太沉重,那暗林间的石子路。 想起陶潜的田园诗歌,不知,夜深的山林间,是否也是这样,冷淡间的独特感受呢?也许是幽静中带些深沉的想象,古代诗人的避世情节倒是比较容易满足;独自徘徊的时候,前路好似就如前方那幽暗的树林一样,宁静中带着些自己的想象。我们也要快乐一些。 独自徘徊夜径边,远槐幽然明月天。沉寂的秋夜里,白色的夜光,正好是明月将圆的时候,夜深也不太暗淡。
  • In A Misty Late Autumn Night
    by Tome Loulin It is dark in the night that I walk and walk after having my hair cut. “Because of the stressful lifestyles I was living, I am worried about this.” I murmured worryingly, gazing in the mirror reflecting my curved brows in the dim-lit room. “Don’t over worry about that.” The hairstylist beside … Continue reading “In A Misty Late Autumn Night”
  • Looking from the Runway
    “Pleasantly and well-suited I walk,Whither I walk I cannot define, but I know it is good,The whole universe indicates that it is good,The past and the present indicate that it is good.”—Walt Whitman, To Think of Time With air-conditioning on though the temperature that night was not high, yet, I slept, feeling that would be … Continue reading “Looking from the Runway”
  • Another Moon
    by Tome Loulin Above me spreads the hot, blue mid-day sky,Far down the hillside lies the sleeping lakeLazily reflecting back the sun,And scarcely ruffled by the little breezeWhich wanders idly through the nodding ferns.The blue crest of the distant mountain, topsThe green crest of the hill on which I sit;And it is summer, glorious, deep-toned … Continue reading “Another Moon”
  • An Essay I Wrote
    阅读中文版 by Tome Loulin Looking back at the essay about education I’d written during my graduate school exam, I still feel much about points I made in that essay. That time I was busy at reading sociological reports and theories. So on the first paragraph, I wrote: There was a slogan the Labour Party of … Continue reading “An Essay I Wrote”
  • Wandering through the Alleys
    I saw people walking on the street and though it is a small city, I feel being small is also like being on the way to our very origin.
  • 夏日的夜
    以前没有空调的时候,夏夜里,总是吹一整夜的风扇,时间久了,很容易感冒。也因此羡慕表弟家有空调—那还是两千年刚刚过的时候。
  • Somewhere
    Standing before a souvenir store in the palace museum, though the postcards depicting palaces Chinese imperial members lived in a stately air were still sold hanging on the stock stall, I was no longer interested in buying them, instead, I had watched those cards for a while and then gone.
  • Where We Live Now
    We were in the office waiting for the clock to tick to five so that we could have our dinner taken but in this food desert where our office located was nothing particularly delicious to eat so we were not particularly expecting that time to come. But my colleagues won’t keep silent simply because the … Continue reading “Where We Live Now”
  • A Summer That Seemed like A Rebirth
    The last summer in our high school years should be an anxious one but maybe because of being immersed with parting feelings, it seemed rather sentimental. Classmates had been writing encouragements on each other’s memorandum for a while as if knowing that this summer would be a farewell to our entire student years although some … Continue reading “A Summer That Seemed like A Rebirth”
  • Going to The Mountains
    There was a world map hung on the wall of my childhood home that was later sold to others. When parents were going out to work and being alone, I could stand before the map watching for hours but not get bored because I thought that could widen my own horizon. And when I found … Continue reading “Going to The Mountains”
  • We Take Photographs in Order to Remember
    So many times we forget what we thought we won’t forget that so strange was seeing our old photos again. Without photos that preserve the moment we had lived, one may be distorted about what his or her past time was like. I remembered a childhood friend to whom I said that I wished he … Continue reading “We Take Photographs in Order to Remember”
  • A Hometown of One’s Own
    Everyone’s hometown could be regarded as unrecognizable at some rate after all. Surrounded by rows of emptied houses, feeling lonely, witnessed neighbors to have moved away from here, I knew what was life in a lonely town like. Although I had never gone to Sahara desert, but felt deeply after reading San Mao’s–a traveling writer–‘The … Continue reading “A Hometown of One’s Own”
  • Reminiscing about Hong Kong, a Memorandum
    While lining up before the checking stop to enter Hong Kong, I found my cellular carrier had halted service because I hadn’t applied roaming service before entering the city. But as my friend Mr. Hsu, who resides in Shenzhen and travels to Hong Kong frequently, already passed border through fast-checking service, unable to contact him, … Continue reading “Reminiscing about Hong Kong, a Memorandum”
  • Comments about Some Undercurrents in This New World
    阅读中文版 When cleansing our company’s floor, I asked Katie, a female coworker in her twenty-something, about whether she would take university entrance exam again if possible. ‘No’ She answered, fretted. We work in a second language teaching company where she worked as a sale consultant; I a lecture; both of us were insecurely hired because … Continue reading “Comments about Some Undercurrents in This New World”
  • Wunderkind
    One Once upon a time, there was a boy living in this rural town happily and lovingly; his name is Little Eddie and loved playing with every child he encountered. Wiggling heard from swings, seesaws. He never got bored. The town itself was and is dreadful. People walking on the street looked dull. Eddie’s family … Continue reading “Wunderkind”
  • Slouching toward Wherever the Sun Shines
    ‘Sunshine cleaning’, a movie I watched years ago, presented stories about different women who divorced and tried to restore their savaged lives back to normal with positive thinking and challenge taking traits, and its characters’ willingness to endure and change. For most of us, life may be seen as living with challenges that need to … Continue reading “Slouching toward Wherever the Sun Shines”
  • Healing and Recovery in a Community Hit by the Pandemic
    After social-distancing measures lifted, cities in Hubei province aim to reopen local businesses. But could the economy of Hubei, which is heavily relying on private sector’s growth to create jobs, be restarting smoothly? In Tome Loulin’s observation in Qianjiang, a small city in Hubei province, there are some silver-linings in a pandemic-ravaged city aiming to … Continue reading “Healing and Recovery in a Community Hit by the Pandemic”
  • As Happiness Is the Romanticization of Ephemerality
    It was afternoon I walked and cycled on the lanes around East Lake. ‘Green lanes’ square-shaped signs showed. Trees and greens were everywhere as well as people cycling around the lake. Breezing around the lanes, I saw happy faces as well as saddened, serious ones. I wasn’t alone; I was with my friend. There was … Continue reading “As Happiness Is the Romanticization of Ephemerality”
  • Lives in A Pandemic Ravaged City – Restoration, Vigilance, and Hope
    阅读中文版 There have been stores open over nights; not anymore, at least for now. Walking on a lightless road near a river park in Qianjiang, a city in Hubei province, I rely on the flashlight from my phone lest I fell into some hidden pit holes. Darkness. People walking on the riverside were silent; only … Continue reading “Lives in A Pandemic Ravaged City – Restoration, Vigilance, and Hope”
  • In A Crisis Haunting the World, Hubeians Face Another – A Report at Micro
    “What Henanese are experiencing in China is basically what Jews in Western society had or have experienced.”a fact that Henanese people have experienced profound xenophobic remarks towards them indicates an acute situation facing the people of Henan, a province in central China. Romy, in his twenties, was going to Beijing to attend a week-long internal … Continue reading “In A Crisis Haunting the World, Hubeians Face Another – A Report at Micro”
  • The Tepee in Our Heart of Hearts
    Hearing fireworks booming was in the midnight; Moy, in his early-twenties, had thought that sound might be a false alarm of the lifting of the quarantine measures since the city where he resided was hit by the Coronavirus and locked down indefinitely since. But this time the initial unsealing of quarantine measures put to this … Continue reading “The Tepee in Our Heart of Hearts”
  • Regarding Humanity in the Age of Irritation
    He knew it would be a matter of time before the outbreak to be contained someday. In Chinese Mahayana canon, one of pupils’ main goals was to escape the cycle of endless death and rebirth into Nirvana as final destination beside pursuing self-enlightenment. The pupils were taught that life is suffering but we can search … Continue reading “Regarding Humanity in the Age of Irritation”
  • On Lakes
    Somedays were dreams, but some, you know, were not. Walking on the bank near the lake where I had walked many times before, I recalled so many memory fragments that belonged to me and some one whom I had befriended. The water of the lake, the lake of South, dotted with and surrounded by willow … Continue reading “On Lakes”
  • 在香港的夜班巴士与武汉的夜巷
    当地球得了痛症,冬天,成了巨大的冷库 “人生是一连串纵横捭阖的把戏,要研究,要时时刻刻的注意,一个人才能维持他优越的地位。” 坐在香港的夜班巴士上,冬天的香港不太冷,明穿一件黑色运动服,巴士开屯门,车上的人都睡了,他望着窗外,闪过几栋公屋,路边都是山景,有许多沿街广告牌。“申请破产,即日起停止追债。”一则破产的广告,看的出神。心里一阵剧痛。 天空好像是灰色的,天桥下的汽车,左边塞的满满的,右边却空空的。他走过天桥,准备叫车去 灰尘弥漫的夜晚,路上都是灰暗的拖车,像往生开来的车,巨大的声响似打战一样,比打仗还慌乱,生厌,灰夜里城市也不比战争残墟,没有同情可言。 明同贝达见面的时候,迟了些,看得出不愉快的神色,虽总会有理由来解释,但还是没出声,解释反而恶化,沉默。是什么样的人,只有自己知道,其余都不大相干。 贝达的眉毛有些粗,眼睛表达不满,声音粗但锋利,难以想象。问到明现在工作的怎么样,声如利刃。慌张,反而忍住。随口道“还好。” “去吃些什么东西吧?” “也可以,找个人多的地方。” 过马路时全部都是等待,路过的是装满灰尘的拖车。一辆一辆轰隆隆,没有尽头,仿佛整个城市在重生,所以需要大动干戈。似从死亡里堆出来的生命,人类文明也似沙滩上的蜃楼,幻灭如影,也没人太在意?或是因总可以再来?太阳有照射不到的角落。黑暗中,毁灭在进行中。或许最后总会有人记得,也许没人记得,后果也是暂时的,没有什么不是暂时的。无人的夜晚,只有货车在路上,明看到夜间开工的工地,好像一切都很赶,赶着完工,再赶着被毁灭?他站在路边,同初次见面的陌生人等红灯。 不吃了吧。 都脱口而出。 归途,空气中都是施工灰尘,不能呼吸,黄色的夜灯,照着马路上,像沙漠,夜的沙漠,滚滚而来的黄尘,武汉有时也像沙漠,黑暗的夜,一辆又一辆的车,明感觉像提前经历了一次,也许以前梦见过。 爱,在这寒冷黑暗的地方,没有一丝发芽的能力,许多年后想起,也不知道是不是曾真的爱过,或许人总该是孤独? 人们期望被更深入的了解,这个世界上,谁能真正了解谁?因此总是之在,愉快或不愉快过后,看着骑车离开的那个背影,连再见也不及说,说出来又仿佛太郑重,因此手也没抬起来。曾有人对明说,记得曾爱过你。再想起,总是在虚无缥缈间,这么大了,也不至太相信这些。生命中某个匆忙的夜晚,偶尔走过这荒流的人群,也许偶尔也疑心……是不是应该再看一次? 也许人生应该独自走,偶尔想起,也回过头来,微笑。距离隔的刚刚好,没太远也没有太近。 完 旧忆 去杭州的时候,只去了西湖,其他都寥寥。正好是周末,人潮汹涌。走上雷峰塔的时候, 我看到台阶上的电梯,不禁感叹。如同Rico看到黄鹤楼里的电梯时的感受。与时俱进? 俯瞰西湖。与在黄鹤楼时的感受一样,又想起在香港大佛寺上看到的纪念铭,买了串佛珠,店员同我用粤语讲多谢,不会粤语,也不适合讲英文,因此一阵沉默,突然自己也像默剧演员,只用眼神表达情感。 我也喜欢沉默不做声的微笑,就像你又从我身边走过,我也同你一起走。
  • 在中国的夏天
    “情愿过夏天,总比冷天穿太多强。”在北京的时候,有新闻媒体报道是最热的记录。“倒是赶上了记录。”溪对我说。总知道确实的热,但怕晒伤还是穿长袖长裤。路人倒没有惊奇。出故宫,有外客在景山公园问“是否需门票”“是”。溪不想上山。“你去,我在山下等你。”一脸期待。景山有粗旷的地方,差点摔下来,我拍了几张照片,和其他中国的山丘并不不同,安静干枯。虽然40多度,却没太热,与干燥有关。 出颐和园的地铁站时,有韩国旅行团从身边经过,溪搭在我的肩膀边走路,是干燥的热,只要喝水就能忍住,韩国人来中国旅行似乎都带宽檐帽,凉鞋。针叶林的花坛没有树荫,颐和园外有点像沙漠。“你会忘记我吗?”正是夕阳下山的时候,人来人往的石路上,“不会。”我答到。 溪喜欢看航拍中国的纪录片,总叫我也看,“真漂亮。”他喜欢看漂亮的酒店和名人的房子,也许是想安定下来,像海子的诗里写的一样。倒也是,喜欢看海子与顾城的诗,有德国早期浪漫主义的精神,但他们的精神世界都不太愉快,连浪漫派的德国诗人也是。看美国有作家写艺术家作为苦痛的榜样,不禁惘然若失,一笑。有次在电视听到“人民群众对美好生活的向往。”虽是在平常不过的话,但觉得也很平实。“我曾看过一个纪录片,是一位独身的老人,虽然坚强,可我看了很伤心,我不能一个人。”溪对我说。 路过使馆区,有家波斯餐馆,人来人往,各国旗帜飘扬,错以为在古代的长安。其实我也怕。看华盛顿邮报报道美国农村的孤寡老人,照片中神色暗淡,也不难想他们觉得“让美国再次伟大”是最后希望,虽然是最道地的民族精神,可人总需要一种依靠。 喜欢坐公交车,看车窗外行人来来往往,正在最美的年纪,歌曲在最美的片段,戴着墨镜,留下的眼泪也不太担心。“有多少恨就有多少爱。”宇喜欢唱五月天的温柔。大学寝室可以看到天主堂的十字架,上坡路,每次归途,都像登山,反倒很快乐。 大学在郊外,去市中心需1个小时,反倒像去另外的城市,每次归途,车上的人都睡眼朦胧。宇喜欢听张悬的《宝贝》。“我要窒息了,车上的人都不开窗。”虹林对我说,是冬天的时候,没人开窗,怕冷。末班车,下车的话,后果不可想象,荒山野岭,长路漫漫,不知归途。“我要下车了,不然我活不下去了。师傅,下车。”虹林不停的喘气,终于好了些,“实在是忍不住”她回过气来,“办法比困难多,”她说道。拦了面包车回程,车上寂然,拥挤,汗味,算最本真的生活,虽然冒险,却很快乐。有次在归程的末班车上听到《宝贝》是宇最喜欢的歌,起初以为是谁的手机响了不接,后来才知是汽车广播,但车上没有人做声,路过的街灯明明暗暗,像最粗糙的蒙太奇,却是最震撼的画面,我看着车窗上自己的倒影,以为青春可以永远都在,是最痛苦的梦想,因为不想失去它,所以这一刻永远都记得。 “喜欢年轻的时候还是年老的时候?”“这是什么问题,当然是年轻的时候。”我的祖母听到这问题,微笑着说。“老了就是精力不及从前了。”最喜欢夏天,是精神最好的时候。海明威记忆中的非洲,阳光明媚刺目,狮子在海岸徘徊。